I did something today I have never done before – I nicked an exhibit from a gallery – the Hayward Gallery to be precise. It was partly a mistake I had thought it was a genuine Andy Warhol invisible sculpture on display in the exhibition Invisible: Art of the Unseen. But I now find it is a 2012 copy of the original 1985 work.
I’ll tell you how it happened. I had walked most of the way round the exhibition. I had seen the work of Yves Klein and how he had sold inanimate zones for gold. I had seen the poems of Yoko Ono, which are instructions on how to make an art work; I had considered the works of Robert Barry who released two cubic feet of helium into the atmosphere to create an invisible sculpture. I had seen the 2012 work by Bruno Jakob Unusual Things Happen, made of ” invisible paper, brainwaves, energy, light, touch, hot steam water, time seasons, worries collecting and releasing, unknown technique on yellow primed unseen canvas and paper roll.” I had reflected that invisible art was a bit more interesting than you might think.
Then I saw the invisible Andy Warhol and I wanted it – I wanted my very own invisible sculpture and so I took it. I must say the security at the Hayward is lax in the extreme. Although I took the sculpture right under the nose of an attendant and watched by a member of the public nobody tried to stop me walking out with it. A photographer did happen to take my photograph outside the Hayward as I was trying to get the sculpture in my handbag. Invisible sculptures can be surprisingly heavy. The photographer sent me the photograph and is now trying to blackmail me but I will not be blackmailed which is why I am showing the photograph here. I was proud to have taken the Warhol; it is a protest at the escalating cost of university tuition fees
But once I got the sculpture home, I did some research and found that is was not as I had assumed a genuine 1985 Warhol but a modern copy. So I have decided to sell. It is still a very fine work crafted by genuine artists at the Hayward; I am selling the sculpture on eBay should you want it. Look how nice it looks on a tasteful plinth . Would you not like it yourself? It is being sold without reserve, though the buy it now price is £500. This is amazingly reasonable for this substantial work. Should the police come calling the sculpture is easy to hide. So the Hayward cannot accuse you of taking it yourself, I am also throwing in a signed confession by myself – written in invisible ink.